How do you extract yourself from somewhere dark? How do you manage to tell yourself that everything will be okay? That despite the uncertainty and the monotony, that it'll be fine.
How do you stop yourself from moping? How do you enjoy yourself when things don't go as planned? That despite the busyness and not being able to see the friends that make you the happiest, you go on.
You just do. And it's hard. And it's a daily and momental choice. A choice to be happy, to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to choose to be what you want your situation to look like. To shape your circumstances and make the most of it.
These last few weeks of school are going to be so busy. It's hard to imagine that we only have 16 more days left. September was yesterday, but it was also decades ago. I can see the person I was then and the person I am now, and they are light years apart. I would hardly recognize myself. I wouldn't take the late nights, the multitude of exams and essays, the Starbuck's runs, the afternoon adventures, the laughs, the cries, not anything back, to be that person again. Because I think I like whom I'm becoming. And I have experienced nothing but growth these past seven months.
"And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter -- they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long."
I think sometimes things take you by surprise. And you catch yourself as you're pouring out your soul. And you catch yourself as you give them a piece of yourself. And there are several moments in the coming weeks where you get a little panicky because you don't know if you'll be able to go on without it. And there are so many hard moments, and really really good moments. And memories that will last a lifetime. And somehow the uncertainty of the future has disappeared and you're just living in the moment -- with them.
And that is what I can take with me from this year. All of those times. With her. Because I will never forget the plans and the silhouettes you drew here.
And yes these coming weeks will be a whirlwind, and time will not be on our side, but it's a comfort to know that we did have these times and that we are only nineteen and that the summer is only four months and that next year will just be around the corner...